When I commented on it, she answered, "I want to look all spiffy when I meet some old geezers at that senior place!"
Every time I think about that moment, I smile and remember my dear mother with her quirky sense of humor.
I know I was fortunate that my mother, who had lived with me and my husband for five years, was willing to move into senior living without a tussle when my husband and I decided to downsize and move from Tennessee to Chicago, where our kids are.
But for those of you who are having a bit more difficulty, here are a few tips:
First, be aware of the emotions your parent(s) may be experiencing, and encourage conversation about them:
- feelings of abandonment;
- feelings of overwhelm about the physical aspects of moving;
- fears about loss of independence;
- concerns about adjusting to a new routine, and making new friends, are just a few of the issues that might come up.
Or, like my 78-year-old friend, Lauren, who refers to her senior living home as a "5-star hotel" your parent(s) may be thrilled to not have to cook, clean, and drive anymore! And since Lauren is very social, she loves having people to visit with all day long!
So encourage a positive perspective about a new chapter of life emerging, rather than the old life ending.
Visit several communities that seem appropriate for your parent(s), then pick the top one or two and visit multiple times.
Be sure to sample the meals, ask if you and your parents(s) could participate in an activity like bingo or a craft session, and
And don't be a "Helicopter Adult Child"! Sure, help them get moved in, then visit or call the first few days but let your parents(s) be independent and learn to navigate their new life on their own.
Some communities have "ambassadors"--experienced residents who are assigned to your parent(s) for the first few days to help them find their way around, get to meals and activities on time, and introduce them to other residents.
Ask if the community you're considering has that service--it's invaluable, especially if you, the caregiver, live out of town.
If not, ask if a staff member checks on new residents the first few days.
When I placed my mother in respite care during the moving process, a staff member checked on her and let me know she didn't make it to dinner the first night (too tired from the plane ride, it turns out, so they brought her granola bars and fruit and she was fine).
Lastly, make sure your parent(s) new home has all the comforts of their former home. My grandparents lived in a very small house but when they moved into a tiny, tiny senior apartment my grandmother was so proud of it, you would have thought it was a palace!
All she needed was a few kitchen items, some basic furniture--and her rocking chair, side table, and Bible, and she felt at home. Because she was so comfortable, it seemed like home to me, too, when I visited her every Sunday.
All in all, transitioning your parent(s) to senior living can best be accomplished when you stay relaxed and positive, honor your parent(s) feelings, and help them feel comfortable in their new surroundings--without "hovering".
Here's to happy homes for us all!
Karen Hunter is a Realtor with KW Innovate and Senior Transition Specialist in the Chicago area with experience in working with clients with dementia. Her company, Senior Home Transformations, makes moving easy and stress-free. For a list of services, visit https://senior-home-transformations.webnode.com.
